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thank you, october

by M

There are times when life happens so quickly there's simply no time to sit down and write about them. I’ve been trying to not be too hard on myself for not writing about certain things by making sure they’ve been well documented in other mediums. But now that october is coming to an end I think I need to really reflect on the past few weeks because there is no way I can let this month go unnoticed.


On the 1st Michelle and I picked up the keys to our flat and then went for pizza and spent the night at my uncle’s. Uni started the following day and we came back, packed our stuff and after the sun had set we moved in to our new home, with nothing but a suitcase and a bottle of champagne. We order sushi and drank our champagne and took ridiculous selfies and we couldn't stop laughing, we weren't tipsy or anything, just the surrealism of it all was enough to drive us a bit crazy for the evening. The following day Jemma came to “help us unpack” and she talked and talked and talked and Michelle and her clicked so well–it made me so happy. She ended up spending the night, the first guest in our tiny sofa bed with improv pajamas and a random array of sheets. We’ve been here for 3 weeks and I’ve already lost count how many times she’s stayed over at this point.


Less than 2 weeks later, Carline flew over and her and Jemma were back at my place for the night. I locked us out (which is always the first impression I strive for, ofc) so we just sat in the dark in the corridor waiting for my landlord to come and open the door for us. We just chatted as though we had been hanging out together for ages which in a sense we have. Then we made mac and cheese and waited not so patiently for the morning to come. Jemma woke me up at 5 and by 6:30 the 3 of us were out the door, with a bag full of snacks, piles of books and a pair of socks, ready to face what would be one of the longest day of the year. We got off at Piccadilly with the sunrising above the buildings, streaks of pink in the sky. And then we waited, we sat there in the middle of Leicester Square and let the hours pass us by and the city wake us up. And as we did, the butterflies in my stomach took flight too. It was 11:30 when security let us off and the 5 of us took off to have lunch. It was such a beautiful day; we walked through Covent Garden all sunshiny and bright and we had food and talked and everyone had a spring in their step. By 3:00, after a lot of waiting and worrying, we found ourselves front row in the pens and so did most of the amazingly lovely people we met that day. It was the most incredible, chill, happy, exciting vibe. Everyone there loved every second of it, I'm sure. And it felt like the past few months all added up to that—even before we saw him, even before anything had much had happened already that led to that moment, just being there, with those specific people, it felt like it really was just the cherry on top. And then he arrived and brought that amazing, contagious energy with him, and he had fun and we had fun and the sun shone just for him, I swear, even the sunbeams got caught up on his eyes and reflected of his curls. He shone and so did all of we, despite the tiredness and the sleepiness, we wouldn't have had it any other way. He makes things so special and he made us all feel special too. Then we watched the film and I cried like a baby and of course was sweapt off my feet by his performance.


When I wrote about meeting Timmy back in February I didn't dream I’d be doing it again just a mere 8 months later. Although a lot of things have changed (and some changed nothing at all) since then, I’m still struggling to find the right words to write about this experience or to write about him altogether. I keep saying that when of all the things I expected 2018 to bring me, a fandom was way down low on the list; yet I cant even fathom my life had not let myself fall (or rather dive headfirst) into it. So many things happened because of this, and so much of it has changed me for the better. Many of the people close to me right now and especially in London I met through CMBYN/Timmy and I'm so proud of that, because these are friendships I made solely by myself, by getting out of my comfort zone in this crazy city that so often feels ruthless but that's so blatantly generous too.


After LFF, Carline stayed for a few days and we had the cutest time getting brunch and high tea and matching piercings and more pasta and sleepovers. Then they left and in a blink of an eye the whole thing was over. But October had no time to lose, so before I knew it I was picking Mags up at the station. We did touristy things and less touristy things, ate a lot of delicious food as we always do, played dumb games and had chill nights. But most of all, we went to see the Musical Bae, Tom Odell live. Man, I love him so much. It was so different from any other concert because I knew exactly what to expect and somehow it still managed to be better. I think in a way it felt like coming home, listening to these songs that have seen me grow up and have turned into the soundtrack of my teenage years. He said “London is the greatest city in the world” and then called it his adopted home and I Felt that. I knew exactly what he meant, I knew exactly what he was feeling because I was feeling it too.


And of course it comes down to that, it always does. It's been a year and it still feels absolutely surreal that I live here. But yesterday I was thinking of missing home and it hit me that home doesn't feel any more home than London does. They're different homes with different meanings, but the feeling is the same. October really helped consolidate that because with all these people coming and going and staying over it felt like I was home. Navigating the tube by heart, taking my friends to secret spots, making plans in central—all the while it didn’t feel like the London from films or books or dumb BuzzFeed quizzes. First and foremost it felt like my city, my habitat. I lost count of the times I stopped for a split second in the crazy whirlwind of a month, looked around and thought "this is exactly the life of my dreams.” And I mean exactly. To the T.