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20
Fev19

2019-02-19

by M

finally got back to journaling for the first time in god knows how long. wordvomiting all that’s been in my chest for months onto the page has lifted a weight off me. i might not have any answers but i dared to face the questions at last...let spring come and with it the winds of change. i am tired of being caught up in the same old traps i built for myself. 

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14
Set18

by M

one thing i learned today was that i actually missed my sociable english-speaking self and totally forgot she even existed

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  1. Growing is a process with no end goal, no finish line, no prize. You grow and grow and grow and hopefully you'll never stop growing, because when you do you die—metaphorically or not.
     
  2. Life is a rollercoaster, and no rollercoaster ever goes just up, or just down. And like any rollercoaster, no matter how wild or dangerous, you'll always come back for more with a fulfilled heart, tears in your eyes, shaky hands and a smile on your face. It's worth it.

  3. Adulting isn't a craft or an art that you can practice and master. There are no levels of adulting that once you reach you get to keep forever. All the routines I set for myself last year, I kissed goodbye as January rolled around. I study full-time and have 1.5 part-time jobs, but I can't remember the last time I went to bed before 1:30am and I spend all my money on coffee. Balance will come eventually, of course, but it's fragile and you can't take it for granted.

  4. You're bound to fail and backtrack and struggle and there's no need in pretending you didn't or won't—it only makes things worse. Be kind to yourself the way you wish someone else to be, acknowledge your mistakes and failures and don't let yourself drown in self-pity. Start over and move on. You can always do better.

  5. Your body exists to take you from place to place, keep you alive, let you experience the tangible world. It does not exist to look good on pictures, make others' jealous or turn people on. It's doing a terrific job and you must give it the recognition it deserves. 

  6. Life would be way easier if you could enjoy things in moderation, but there's beauty in giving yourself entirely to the things you love and that make you happy. Don't kill it, and don't try to act like you don't care at all. Just be honest with yourself about your feelings and emotions, or you'll lose yourself in the caos. If you can do this, moderation will follow suit without robbing you of the passion.

  7. A whole new magical, beautiful, exciting dimension unfolds when you let yourself feel and stop being embarrassed or vulnerable about what you're feeling. You're depriving yourself of opportunities and experiences if you keep things shielded inside. The expression of your feelings doesn't have to be loud and blatant, sometimes recognition is enough. Energy attracts energy—your emotions are a magnet for people and circumstances in the same wavelength as you. 

  8. Self-care isn't ignoring or procrastinating responsibilities because you 'need' to, because you want to, because you're lazy or feel shitty. Self-care is being gentle but strict with yourself, especially in bad days. Take no bullshit. Doing the dishes when I got home after a long day at work, changing bedsheets right before going to bed, dragging myself to supermarket to buy some fruit, ordering salad instead of pizza: all of these have made me feel way better than any indulgence would. If you can do it at your worst, you'll conquer the whole world at your best.

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09
Abr18

2018-04-08

by M

i feel so alive

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08
Mar17

by M

found my old polyvore account today and the bio is "I always fall for fictional characters" story of my life???

04
Jan17

2am thoughts

by M

I think it might be concerning the amount of times I wonder when supernatural things are going to start occurring in my life. Not in a creepy way like possession or demons (hopefully???). I'm just subconsciously waiting for the day when I find out somewhen is a ~vampire~ or I have some sort of "superpower" or get inadvertently caught up in someone else's parallel dimension travelling. I'm actually quite disappointed it hasn't happened yet.

Or maybe I watch way too many series.

19
Set16

the ikea effect

by M

I hereby confess I am one of those people who gets unexplicable joyful by frolicking around Ikea. 

(Unless, of course, I'm not buying anything for myself.)

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17
Jan16

an introduction

by M

I've been blogging for long enough (six years today, to be precise) to know that introductions are always awkward. In an attempt to avoid that, I'll try to be straightforward.

 

Over a year ago, somewhere in 2014, shortly after finishing my first and biggest fiction work, words simply started to vanish within me. What used to be an urgent need, a therapy, something that boiled inside of me and eventually burst in the form of text, was gone. It was like I exhausted my stock of words and things to write about in those 17 chapters I'd been writing for six months prior. While I was - and still am - thristy for more, craving the thrill of it and the joy of creativity outbursts, it felt - and still feels - like I can't do it anymore. Like the ability has been removed.

 

This blog is yet another part of the (as it seems) never-ending process of getting back together with words, flirting cautiously and trying not to rush anything (in case it exhausts again). I'm trying to get rid of all the things that are holding me back, one of them being my previous blog, which I kept since the age of 11 and didn't feel comfortable anymore. The other being my beloved mother-tongue, Portuguese, which just seems way to heavy and overcomplicated now that I've caught myself in this endless love affair with English. I also had my dad bought a new desk and chair in hopes that a fresh workplace will do the trick.

 

As to this blog itself - I'm still unsure, pretty much like everything in my life. I know I want it to be my creative outlet, and a place I can truly see and be myself in. That said, I'm also pretty unsure as to what "myself" consists of, so expect the content to be all over the place. I just hope this grows to be my online home, who knows, for the next six years.

 

I don't know what brought you here but I hope you enjoy it. Please bear with me as I enroll in this crazy journey of finding my truer self and in the way, hopefully, some words for you to read about it.

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