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it's been good

by M

After almost 2 months of winter break, uni restarted today. It wasn't good but it wasn't bad at all either. The weather was fine, in fact, fine enough for us to hop on the subway after classes and spend the rest of the afternoon sitting by the river watching the sunset. It did rain a little but we ran to the covered part and it passed. It was funny watching the river stomp against concrete as if it were the sea.


Turns out my grades were actually better than expected. I ended up with an average of 15, which considering I had a 10 is saying something. But I did say my degree wasn't hard, though. Expectations for this semester are real high, with a driver's license on the way, the days growing and growing before our eyes and the sneeky promise of a Spring that may or may not come, so we can spend more afternoons like today's. But mainly, less work and less fussy work. Hopefully.


I finished my sewing course with both a pair of shorts and a top I'll never wear, but at least I did them myself and now I know how to use a sewing machine, so who knows what comes next. Probably a swimsuit if my body anxiety (is that a thing?) doesn't get (too much) in the way. Or maybe my sister will wear it.


I did go to Paris with mom 2 weeks ago and no, I didn't pay to entry the d'Orsay which was nice since it wasn't that cool. On the other hand, the 11€ paid to the Centre Pomopidou were very, very well spent. I ended up staying there for like 2h or so, which anihilated my plans to go to Urban Outfitters - yes, it was that cool. It was freezing but it was perfect - from the hour spent in the best bookshop ever, to the chai lattes on my way to the Seine, breakfast at Angelina's and even supermarket dinners at the hotel. Wandering alone in a city I've been to but don't quite know myself was such a unique experience. I love Paris so much which is so out of character. (Maybe it's just the croissants.) Videos of Paris can be found over on my YouTube channel here, but promise not to cringe too much.


On another note, I still haven't finished that stupid TEFL course which keeps haunting me on and on. Hopefully it'll be done by the end of the goddamned week. I didn't do the Digital Marketing course either, not because I didn't have the time, simply because it was boring and pointless. Not what I expected. Surprisingly, I only watched 1,5 seasons of series during these 2 months. I really don't know what to say about that, I'm quite disappointed myself. BUT: stranger. things. Yes. That's all my friends.


On another note, I did other things that weren't planned. I bought watercolors and... attempted it. Like I mentioned, I made my first donation and pierced my ear. I did 16h of Traffic Code lessons in 1 week. Now I need to get started with the actual driving, which is slightly scarier than expected. Also, I went to the barn a lot, which feels very important right now. Every opportunity counts. And I caught up with Lara quite a bit, to make up for the next few months when we won't see much of each other.


And I slept. Not as much as I once would've, but I guess I really am getting old...


absence again

by M

To make justice to my first and foremost "new year resolution" (which you can check out here wink wink) I'm sitting down to write. I would like to make a 2016 hindsight post, but this isn't it. Today I just want to catch up on the past month and a half.

Finals season (which was about four weeks) was the most drained, exhausted, unmotivated, stressed out I have ever been in my life. People in other (more "serious") degrees would laugh and roll their eyes, but I've come to terms with that. My degree isn't hard, my finals aren't that difficul either. It's just that I'm not carved for studying, for sitting in a classroom, for this teaching system... and after the excitement of the first few weeks, the dullness of school life came storming back in and reminded me all too well why I was so desperate to take a year out, to go learn things outside of a classroom for once and potentially find the motivation I lack and gain some much needed persistence. But I survived and my grades won't be those I wished for but for once I don't care. I don't care mainly because I want to be in London next year, in a program that's hopefully more creatively challenging, and I can't take my mind off that. I feel like if I lose my focus for just a second, months will pass by and suddenly it'll all be too late, endless nights crying because I've failed myself, shattered dreams and the scary feeling of settling down for something I don't want. I've learnt that lesson the hard way and I won't let it happen again. That's why I know this year will be different and unequivocally better. 


On another note, I think this (last??) year was the most Christmas Spirit I've ever been. I was listening to Christmas playlists on loop, burning spiced candles, decorating to the T, baking ginger cookies and all those shenanigans. It was a way of a escaping the absolute burden of school - I kept telling myself it's almost Christmas as if that almost wasn't a a fuckload of work to do. But it helped counting down the days with a purpose. Also, Christmas was pretty swell. Much like last year's (2015) I felt like it's definitely not about the gifts anymore, which makes me feel kinda old but also kinda proud. I was genuinely surprised with every single gift and I think the feeling that came across was how thoughtful those were, which for me is the main purpose of Christmas. Putting in the effort, taking the time to pick and wrap something for that specific person. I love Christmas and to be fair I'm kinda sad I can't listen to my Christmas jams and burn my Christmas candle and next week the decorations are going to be put down :(


I think (hope?? lol) I managed to pass all my classes and am now enjoying a month and half of vacay at home. This time though I don't want to lazy around in pjs watching series and waking up pornographically up. I really am getting old... So I have some plans - I need to finish my goddamned TEFL Course, I have just applied for a long awaited sewing course (!!!! v excite), I intend to go to Paris with month towards the end of the month, I want to ride twice a week and start doing yoga at home in the morning and maybe do a Digital Marketing Course that's free on google if I have any time left. Also. Sleep. Yes. I really want to sleep. And watch some series ofc. The list is endless. The list is always endless.


summer break so far

by M
It's fair to mention that whilst summer has, in fact, not been filled with tropical adventures, it hasn't been that bad either. It's actually treating me quite well. 

After final season was over, I treated myself to riding twice a week and lazy-ing around the house in just a tshirt and knickers. I spent a fair amount of my days working on that pre-tan by the pool, not even bothering to read a book. I played sims 4 to the point it got uninteresting and binge watched The 100. My days easily became a scattered routine of barn time/house time and nothing could've been better, despite mom's attempts at having me do something productive. 

Almost a month later, I hopped on a car with Mariana, Q & my sister and we drove up North (I promise that's subject of another post entirely). When the weekend was over, Constança and I moved to gran's and I swear it was the best few days. I missed it there so much, especially because we didn't go last year. 

The house was filled with kids running around the garden and even a new baby (the solemn 15th cousin), which set this atmosphere of undeniable joy and brightness. We took the kids to the beach, ate croissants, layed on the grass, baked brigadeiros at midnight, stole granny's booze to make caipirinhas for afternoon tea and overall we just had a splendid summertime. Now we're by the beach in the weirdest house ever, but the sea has really been something else and I've been making up for all the swims I didn't have last year. 

Most of all - and knock knock knock on the wood - this summer has been passing by at a decent pace, just slowly enough for me to be able to hold on to every bit of it with the proper care and attention summer needs to be treated with. 

It's been a good time.