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prom 2016

by M


We've been talking, discussing, speculating prom since january. It was like this big mark at the end of the tunel school year, something we were unsure would happen. It feels like just yesterday I was 80% decided I wouldn't go and now it's over.


The prepping started last week, with our girly trip to the hairdressers. On monday I picked up my dress from the seamstress. On wednesday I did my nails. Yesterday I got out portuguese class earlier to do my eyebrows, crammed a quick shower before lunch and left the house at 3. Emma and I went to do our makeup, which was followed by the tingly panick that we might look like clowns and omg is this too much i don't recognize myself in the mirror. Then we spent 2 hours at the hairdressers, which got super late, only building up the nerves and anxiety. When I got home, I tried my best to stay calm... I helped mom pick her outfit, had a snack, prepared my purse and the cameras and put on the dress. Despite my best attempts to not stress, I ended up poking new holes on the buckles of my shoes with a clipboard pin fifteen minutes after the arriving time. Then, about twenty minutes of photoshooting at home and that was when I started getting that feeling I had back in january that I simply don't fit in prom. This makeup is too heavy, this purse is too girly, I don't like long dresses.

When we parked the car outside the venue, my stomach was crunched and I was a bit what the fucked by the whole situation, but when I laid eyes on my friends all dressed up and gorgeous it all vanished. It was fine. And I think perhaps that was weirdest thing: seeing our casual friends, people we see everyday, I went to school on a tracksuit yesterday, everyone dressed like adults. But not like kids disguised as adults, actually us looking like adults. Like ties and beards and high heels and makeup. And everyone looked great and glowed. So at first of course everything is a bit awkward, but the guys did a great job of telling us you look beautiful tonight ladies and eventually we felt that warm comfort of casually us again. 


It's probably relevant to mention that we've been rehearsing prom for three weeks. My school takes prom to a whole new official level. We had to learn our entrances, our poses, our timings, our positionings and--most importantly--the freaking valse. But yesterday they still managed to fit in a couple surprises for us. First 4 "couples" (pairs?) had to go cut the dessert cake, which we knew about, but they added fire spark jet thingies and champagne. Then they proceeded to call us one by one to give us a senior high attendancy certificate and we had to call other people that were meaningful to us during high school. And lastly my head teacher prepared a slideshow with pictures of us since we were little. 


Another remarkable thing is that I didn't fall off my heels all night?? And didn't trip through the valse. But the first thing I did afterwards was taking off my shoes. I spent the whole night dancing nonstop with the most random improbable people bare feet with my dress dragging through the floor. And at 4am when we had to leave, only few of us were left but honestly it was the ones who mattered. We were sweaty, hair messy, makeup smugged, ties undone but we danced til the very last minute and then gathered to take a picture together, which was cute. And it's not like we were tipsy or anything--everyone was as sober as it gets, just genuinely happy carefree joyful proud. I can't find enough adjectives to explain the vibe in that room and especially in ourselves last night, it was like everything was exactly where it was supposed to be and as we all danced in the dimmed lights, looking each others in the eyes I swear we were infinite.


Situations like this always get me thinking about how drastically different my high school years could've been had I not gone back to that school in the middle of freshman year. A lot of the times I know I don't exactly blend in that crowd and I certainly didn't make any lifelong friendships in that classroom. But yesterday it felt so right, like there was absolutely no other way things could've turned out because that's where I belong at the end of day, with those people who might not be my bestfriends but who certainly are my friends somehow and people with whom I've grown to feel so comfortable and at home with. I was filled with that overwhelming yet exciting feeling that the universe knows e x a c t l y what it's doing. Back in freshman year the universe pushed me towards that place and those people and for awhile I couldn't explain why, but moments like this and especially especially especially prom yesterday just make sense.


At the same time it was a closure kind of celebration as well. It was the raw realization that we are indeed graduates, we are indeed basically out of the school system and the future is now. Poking at our eyes, slapping us in the face. None of this will be our reality in a few months time and if that's not scary, I don't know what scary is. Another shitty thing is the fact that with all the communist bullshit maneuvering the government in the sidelines our school might not even freaking exist next year or at least in the near future. I woke up with that bittersweet feeling of oh man last night was epic but also a knot on my throat and a taste of nostalgia because it's over. 


I wonder what this week will feel like. This last week, that is.

1 comment

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Margarida 29.05.2016

Ainda quero ver mais fotos!!!! <3