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21
Fev18

2018-02-17

by M

i promised a coherent post and i swear i tried but there's nothing coherent about this whole situation there's nothing coherent about me diving headfirst into a fandom rabbit hole nothing coherent about celebrity crushes at 19 nothing coherent about how much i love this film and this book nothing coherent about how it has consumed my entire life to the point it's the first thing i think of in the morning and the last before sleep nothing coherent about the late night rambles with mags nothing coherent about how much it fulfills me nothing coherent about standing by a hotel entrance during lunch break just to see a kid in a yellow jacket smile and hear him talk and experience is softness™️ live nothing coherent about his perfectly coherent face

 

but mainly there is absolutely nothing coherent about how this is my life now nothing coherent about strolling through green park in a sunny saturday morning with an iced coffee nothing coherent about windowshopping in mayfair hoping i may one day afford it nothing coherent about talking on the phone with rachel for an hour after all these years and this far apart nothing coherent about fandoms in general but definitely nothing coherent about fandoms in london and nothing coherent about the prospect that i might be really a part of that world at some point

 

so nothing is coherent in my life at the moment and i've been trying to make sense of it for ages but every time i think i might be getting it right something batshit crazy happens so dont expect me to be coherent because i have quit coherence at this point i'm just trying to make the most of this chaos breathing it in living off of it and reminding myself how grateful and priviledged i am for these experiences and these opportunities i feel truly non-sarcastically #blessed

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