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05
Mar18

1st day of the year

by M

i can't believe it's march 5th, it feels like the year has barely even started. the past two months were like a looooong saturday evening watching films and press conferences and absentmindedly reblogging on tumblr. but at the same time they were a long wild fandom free fall, where you're silent at first, then screaming for your life and finally laughing trying to catch your breath the rest of the time. yesterday were the oscars, me and mags stayed up watching together — as together as possible, when there's 10000 miles between us, but no one else was awake, we bought snacks and facetimed, i literally watched the cerimony through her tv when my livestream crashed, and so it felt like we were together. and now we've landed, we found the bottom of this rabbit hole and to my surprise i didn't crash down (not yet anyway). it was more like jumping off of a swingset. you slow down just a little bit, then hop and when your feet land, your legs tremble a little and there's a smile on your face.

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i'm not sure why this has meant so much to me. maybe i had just forgotten the kind of inexplicable joy of feeling like you are part of something. maybe i had just forgotten how much i love books and films so much. how happy they make me, how beautiful the connection you make with someone else's fantasies is. how fascinating this whole process is. i'm not sure why this film, or these films, or these people, but i'm glad it happened. this was not what i had planned for 2018, let alone for its first couple of months — i sure hope this was not peaking, just setting the tone. 

 

this may sound dramatic, but i think the past couple of months changed my life. thank you god and the universe for that. thank you world for allowing these things to be created. thank you andré aciman for one of the most beautiful books i've ever read, thank you luca guadagnino for bringing it to life so perfectly, thank you greta gerwig for being the exact kind of role model i needed right now, thank you timothée chalamet for giving me the privilege of witnessing a star come to life. maybe one day i'll get the chance to thank these people personally, who knows. a girl can dream. it's the very least i can do.

 

now back to real life. but it's okay. i'm a different person now, even if just by a little bit. and i'm more content than i have been for a while. 

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1 comment

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De Margarida a 06.03.2018 às 13:12

❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤
It's the first day of the rest of our lives - claramente sem chill e cheias de feels.

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