Saltar para: Posts [1], Pesquisa e Arquivos [2]


04
Out18

by M

this city is a gift that keeps on giving 

Autoria e outros dados (tags, etc)

tags:

21
Set18

by M

what else do i need other than nights listening to melodrama in central london

Autoria e outros dados (tags, etc)

tags:

18
Set18

2018-09-17

by M

a bunch of weird shit happened today:

  • jemma and i met in the tube, as in the same train, same car, came door, as we were coming from totally different parts of town
  • we had lunch at camden market and then chilled in primrose hill
  • it was 25º and super sunny
  • we went for a flat viewing that turned into a bunch of flat viewings that turned into
  • michelle and i getting a place and signing a contract and being able to move in october??????
  • walking around selfridges as though we actually mean it looking for a blazer (don't ask)
  • more food with jemma
  • hanging in a hidden pretty lit courtyard just talking until like 10.30pm

honestly i'm just so confused rn life is way too good and i mean way too good i'm not sure why this is happening or how but these things truly never go over my head i'm so grateful and i feel immensely, unironically blessed

Autoria e outros dados (tags, etc)

14
Set18

by M

one thing i learned today was that i actually missed my sociable english-speaking self and totally forgot she even existed

Autoria e outros dados (tags, etc)

tags:

13
Set18

by M

not to be That Bitch™ or anything but I've got a jumper on and I'm playing my fall playlist and everything just makes better sense now 

Autoria e outros dados (tags, etc)

09
Set18

on things left unsaid

by M

i wish i could tell you all about my last month or so in london but the reason why i didn't write about it at the time was because i didn't know how to. i never felt before how i felt then. the sun shining and the days so long and the countless strolls around the city all by myself and with friends, and dinners and lunches out, and going to uni but feeling like going to work, and late nights writing and just existing in this state of pure bliss. i look back on those days and they seem a haze never ending blur of just beaming and feeling like anything is possible, which i guess is very symptomatic of june. that time existed in a different realm.

 

lorde's concert. that can't go un-noted because it was single handedly the best concert of my life and the best part was that i knew as it happened, it wasn't a 'in hindsight' kinda thing, no. right there and there, with the breeze, and the best crowd, and her beautiful voice and music and presence, and her glittery makeup and holographic outfit, i felt it and i think everyone felt it too—one of the best summer nights. we jumped and sang and cried and danced danced danced and i felt so at ease, so at home, like if nothing else we'll have concerts. this sort of concert where everyone is on the same wavelength and we all feel it the same when this or that song comes along because lorde and especially melodrama truly is the anthem of millennialism right now.

 

then came america. toronto all bright and warm and pretty stole my heart—straight to my top favourite cities. i'd never live there and i can't even imagine what it must be like during winter, but just walking those skyscraper-lined streets and big avenues i felt instantly at 'home' whatever tf that means. vegas was the most surreal places i've ever been to and it took a solid 24h (the time we were there pretty much) and some vast wikipedia research for this intj brain to even just begin to grasp....what the fuck is going on there to be honest. but it was an interesting experience and we got to go to grand canyon which was nothing like i expected from films but absolutely breathtaking and mindblowing nonetheless. and we drove through desert and found ourselves in la again. in la again. this sentence also doesn't make a lot of sense to my intj brain. because i get to be in la for a few hours and be like 'oh this city is cool i missed it'. we went to disneyland as per my request which was kinda weird because i don't ever make requests and suddenly i'd dragged 7 other grown ass humans to freaking disneyland. but it was amazing and magical and fantastic and so much fun and i totally bought an overly expensive stich jacket and it's my new favourite thing. northern california was such an amazing surprise, it feels nothing like any other place i've been to america. i loved the vibes but maybe that's only because everyone is rich af and we all know i have some seriously bougie tendencies. napa valley was beautiful and oddly familiar. carmel was the kind of place you see in films, but good ones. san fran.......i'm not sure?? i see what they mean it's like an american(ised) version of lisbon, it's totally there. but i expected it to be more like la in the sense that it's still very much a big busy city but like...in a weird way? this makes no sense because honestly i'm still not sure how i feel about san fran other than confused.

 

we spent some time at the beach and because it wasn't very long i think i really made the most of it. it was very chill and quiet and honestly very much needed. then we headed to gramps' for a while and dumbly enough it was one of the highlights of the summer. i think it was only then (and there?) i felt truly at home, back at home. i lunged in the sun and wrote in the evenings and felt carefree and young and dumb. we went out a few times and tbh it was pretty wild and so much fun. watching the sunrise by the beach and those quiet walks down the driveway when no one speaks because silence is precious. and on constança's birthday we sat outside under the stars and talked for hours and it wasn't even deep our anything we were just telling stories in hushed voices but it felt like time had stopped for a while just to let us talk for a bit longer. and then mags and i had a major Feels™ attack but like irl!!! fucking finally!!! we deserved it goddamn. it was so so so hilarious and completely unapolagetically out of control. when i turned off the light that night i thought 'this was the best evening of the summer.' it still stands.

 

i spent some time at home going to the barn mostly and it felt like therapy. it was therapy, it's always been but even more so now. then michelle came and i played host for 10 days which was challenging but good fun and i think it was good to have her around right before i leave too because it's was sort of a transitional period between home-me and london-me.

 

today i said my last goodbyes, it wasn't sad so much as bittersweet but at least i know what i'm coming back (to london) to and honestly i can't wait. i miss it so much. i feel bad about how excited i am to go back. just doing what needs to be done i guess. and right now i need to be there. honestly it's not that deep. or rather i can't let it be.

Autoria e outros dados (tags, etc)

09
Set18

a whiny post

by M

i think bottom line is this summer has been great but it hasn't felt like summers used to feel, have always felt. i don't know why, maybe it's just the pressure of the clock ticking, of knowing time is running and running out. then again maybe that's just an excuse. i've been trying to make sense of this as per usual and failing as per usual—i wonder if i'll ever get used to it. usually i try writing about it but it's hard when i don't even know when i'm writing about.

there are so many thing that i've left unsaid, things worth sharing that i haven't shared and that sucks because i love going through those memories in text format and i guess now it's a bit too late. i think this is a symptom of my newfound refusal to look back and dwell on the past. when time slips out of your hands and the future is galloping towards you at dazzling speed you can't lose focus looking back. and while i think that in the big picture that's a good thing, it's also kinda sad. because good things happened that i'd like to revisit in the future, but writing about them later never makes them justice.

 

Autoria e outros dados (tags, etc)

tags:

05
Set18

2018-09-04

by M

i keep absentmindedly thinking about going back to london as going home

Autoria e outros dados (tags, etc)

16
Ago18

by M

sometimes if i really let myself go for a while, like on sunset trail rides or in the attic after dinner, it seems as though nothing changed. like this past year hasn't happened. like i haven't changed. and there's solace in that, i think. in knowing that change sometimes changes nothing at all, if you look closely. maybe time doesn't always scar. maybe some things stay the same only by changing. maybe.

Autoria e outros dados (tags, etc)

tags:

05
Ago18

july aesthetics

by M

long nights, days in bed, films, cloudy weather, driving around town, lunches and brunches, the attic, staying awake waiting for words that never came, days with friends, weekend getaway, reading by the pool, beach and sunburns, icecream and smoothies, sunset rides, driving in the woods, memories with friends, family time, missed flights, airplanes and long flights, timezones, new places, new dreams, a roadtrip, long hours driving, loud laughs and quiet breaths, sunsets on the road, the desert, beautiful views, this planet is to die for, I can’t feel my legs, jet lag, places we’ve been to and new ones, new sights, new seas, new woods, breakfast outside, quirky posh towns and big skyscraper cities, mountains and fog, sunshine and the beach, becoming one with the sand beneath my body, feeling at ease in the middle of chaos, quiet nights, planning and dreaming, questioning and letting go, everchanging nature as the backdrop of never changing thoughts 

DSC_0555-side.jpg

 

 

 

 

Autoria e outros dados (tags, etc)

tags: