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May this year be filled with moments like today's.
This birthday kicked off half an hour later than predicted leading a late arrival to a morning yoga class, followed by breakfast croissants (I'm making this a thing) with mom. I was welcomed with a hug when I got to uni and didn't do that much in class. We spent lunch break at starbucks and although it wasn't particularly birthday-y, as I was slightly over-caffeinated we had a good laugh and took stupid pictures and of course since I was closer to home than I was to school I ended up ditching Philosophy bc it's my birthday and I can.
I spent the afternoon studying in a fluffy pajamas, but it wasn't all that bad and felt pretty damn productive for a change (these days have been the pinnacle of procrastiation). Then we went to dinner at a veggie restaurant with a somewhat random assortment of family and friends and everyone liked it. I mean dad liked it! And the people from the restaurant gave me a gift in the end!
When we got home, they sang happy birthday and we took pictures with sparkles and I got the best gifts. Like. WOAH. I know this is materalistic af but who doesn't like getting the things they asked for birthday?? A new laptop!!!!!!!!!!! Lush things!!!!!!!! Food!!!!!! Overly warm scarves to hibernate in class!!!!!
This birthday was atypical in many ways, starting with being 200km away from home (whatever that is) to not being around the usual people, but maybe that's why it was so special. Because I felt and still feel so so so immensely blessed and loved loved loved to the point it this felt somhow like home. A new kind of home. The first birthday of this new life I am creating every day these days, on my terms. Getting a chance like that and a life like this makes me feel profoundly lucky and grateful.Today was like a rollercoaster that only goes up. A crescendo of tiny special moments of happy that added up to an amazing "ordinary" day which hopefully forsees an amazing year. A brand new year of this new life that starts now.
Tomorrow is the first day of christmas ♥
This time last year I was in Paris. Also, it's been just a little over a year since the Bataclan & Co attacks, although the world and the media seem to have forgotten. It's true that the world has just been downward spiriling since then and there are other issues in our plates right now. But I stilll feel the fear of that night, sitting in the warmth of the attic up late watching the news... And I miss our little weekend escape for my birthday as well.
I guess no matter what happens (something will happen), we'll always have Paris.
keep your eyes peeled for updates
uni isn't half as stimulating as i tHOughPed it would be
if you enjoy bullfights you are a savage and i kinda hate you
It sure might be too early to speak, but I think what it comes down to in these two weeks of uni is the fact that today I spent over an hour discussing the refugee crisis, the whole trump situation, the holocaust and pretty much anything in between, sharing points of view, opions, theories even, with 3 people I know barely anything about. That and the fact that the one person I happened to "connect" the most with doesn't eat meat and we spent our lunch today eating veggies and talking about animals and cognitive dissonance and the videos and pictures we'd seen. I think this brings me an immense sense of belonging after being trapped in an environment that didn't quite repell me but surely didn't welcome me either for so long. It's a feeling I feared would never come.
And whilst the whole failed Gap Year situation is still lingering over me (and it will for a long time, I know for sure), I know god writes straight with crooked lines. I can't know for sure (and I can't settle for) that this was for the best, but at least the universe is trying to compensate things by making this experience not quite as daunting and scary as I thought it would be.
In the meanwhile, my application to London is officially in progress which brings all the more instability and overwhelmingness into the picture. At least I feel a bit at ease again with the thought that whatever happens happens and the universe will take charge and bring things back into place.
I can't hope but I can't give up, I have to trust that the outcome of this whole situation will be the best, because after all it can never be any other way.